Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
