Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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