I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
