i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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