I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
