wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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