This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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