Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
