Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
