every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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