Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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