Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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