Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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