Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
