I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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