Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
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at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize