Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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