Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
