So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize