I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
