there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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