Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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