he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
