This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
