did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
