I'm pants shitting drunk right now
People in love make me want to vomit
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
