She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize