Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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