I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love you. Go after that dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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