i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
