My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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