this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
