i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
