I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize