it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
