he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
