Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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