neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
