legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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