Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
