She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
