Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
