if i can run in heels then i can drive
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I will be naked everywhere
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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