Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
