Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
