Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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