yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
