i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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