id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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