woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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