Ambien. No doubt about it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
