We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
