After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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