Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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