i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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