So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
