Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
