Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
