I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
