YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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