I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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