cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
