fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
