This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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