I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
