I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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