Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
