Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
