So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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