honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I will die if light touches me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You made out with two different species that night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
