Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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