Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
